I shouldn’t put up the weekly meeting flyers.
I’m sitting here in my office thinking about walking around the commons area and putting up flyers. I have the thought I shouldn’t do that, an awful lot of shame namelessly blankets my mind.
I shouldn’t put up the weekly meeting flyers, is that true?
What happens, how do I react with the thought “I shouldn’t put up the weekly meeting flyers”? I look gently inside for the one who believes this and listen to her.
She’s scared. She doesn’t know if its the right thing to do. She thinks it maybe a gross violation of what the universe wants. She feels presumptuous, seen. People will think ‘who does she think she is, thinking she can run a meeting in the Work’. The witness is dissolving a bit and now I’m becoming more identified with the one who is scared, the one who believes this thought. I’m frozen. I just sit here. I don’t want to talk to anyone about what I’m doing. I hide. I feel ashamed of something. I don’t even know what. Lets see if I can see what it is I’m ashamed of. I’m not good enough to run a weekly meeting in the Work. I’m bad if I put them up. I feel scared inside my body. Anticipation, vigilance, waiting to be yelled at.
How do I treat others when I think I shouldn’t put up weekly meeting flyers? Like then are all looking at my flyers, condemning me. Really really condemning me as not ready, presumptuous. I’m afraid of them. I’m a little girl and they are big people. They have more power than me. They actually know for sure if I should or shouldn’t put up the flyers, and I’m scared they will decide I am undoubtedly bad for putting them up. The power is in their hands. The power to know whether I’m good or bad is in their hands.
Whose business am I in when I believe that I shouldn’t put up the weekly meeting flyers? God’s. I’m trying to figure out if its good or bad to have them up.
Who or what am I without the thought “I shouldn’t put up the weekly meeting flyers” as I sit here in my office, on my chair in the mid-morning?
And now, a gentle reminder to myself to let the mind soften and wait for the revelation. Yes, revelation, what is revealed. It is was if the part of my brain that could conceive of the thought that I shouldn’t put them up doesn’t even exist. Of course it does exist, and in that I am able to just try it out for a couple of minutes, just try out what it feels like with out any risk. It is my full right to take back the thought and keep it for the rest of my life if I want.
A deep breath fills my lower belly with out instruction from my brain. It feels good. I do it again. I have them, the posters. They are right down below the dormer window in my car three stories down. I like them. I think they look good. I could get some coffee while I walk around.
Well why not? Why not put them up around town and then see what happens?
Oh, its simple. I put them up. That’s my job. The rest is up to the universe (or the guniverse as my sister calls it). There’s a curiosity. What will happen if I just go do that?? I get to watch what happens.
Turn arounds to “I shouldn’t put up the weekly flyers.”
“I shouldn’t take down the weekly meeting flyers.” How is this as true or truer than the original statement?
Yes, energetically if I keep taking them down, the meeting won’t happen. I haven’t even put them up yet! Hmm, or, I shouldn’t take them down in terms of put them down, insult them. Yes, I shouldn’t put down the whole idea, which is what I do when I judge putting them up around town.
“I should put up the weekly meeting flyers.”
That feels like where my own growth is, to put them up. I’ll find out. If I don’t advertise no one will know what I’m making available, so it won’t happen. I can find out if people want to do it or not if I put them up. It’s information, data. I should put them up because fear is what is telling me not to, and I don’t want my actions in life driven by fear.
Here’s another question I like to ask - If I was completely devoid of fear, what would I do? Yes, I would just try it. I’d just put them up and see what happened. I can feel my own center drawing down and filling up strong. That’s the feeling of energetically being in my own business. Yes come, I tell people, look, see what is happening? And if they don’t want to come to a meeting, no problem, I am not affected one way or the other, it is completely their right, their business whether they come or not.
“I shouldn’t put up my thinking.” Yes, the advertising is about letting people know when and where they can do the Work. Its not about me at all. I’m putting my thinking that it’s all about me up with the posters and getting it all gummy. Yes, actually that is the part that is getting it all so sticky - when I think that the service I am creating is about me. I see it in my mind as this other substance, gooey and lots of it, surrounding the clearer actions of physically putting the flyers us, getting the studio space ready, and making sure there are enough chairs, etc. The goo gums it all up, drips off of it, is messy and makes it not happen. That goo is where I’m out of my business. Yes, and my thinking is for me to do the Work on, not for me to post all around down. (Although if that happens, so be it, there are lessons there.)
There is another kind of turnaround called the “Yahoo Turnaround.” Its “hurray! I shouldn’t put up the weekly flyers!” Yes, I see. I shouldn’t put up the weekly flyers when it is so painful to me. I shouldn’t put them up before I’m ready, before I’ve worked my thinking and come to some peace. The unease I felt about putting up the flyers is the temple bell, a call to stillness, and a call to looking with the heart.