The Little Toad Buddy in Jim’s Throat who Eventually Gets a Mystical Gorge Castle to Call Home.
A few years back I worked with a young man from Colorado in a Healing Container as he transitioned from a training program into employment. Below is a window into how a session unfolds. The kind of healing work I do is tricky to describe in a few words, so for those of you interested, read on. I got his full permission to recreate this here, with a few details changed. I’ve also edited out several redundant parts.
To set the stage, it's a crisp morning, little whispers of fall wafting through the open windows, and my client, I'll call him Jim, arrives on the call bright and chipper. We chat for a minute; I like to be a normal human with clients before we dive in, as the places we go can be kind of wild. We talk about sleeping with the windows open, about the cozy joy of needing an extra blanket after months of warm nights, and the tang of back to school imbuing the early morning air.
I ask what wants to be looked at today and he tells me: the same belief as last week, I'm bad.
Simple, direct, often not much subtext with this one as people tend to pick up this wounding when preverbal.
Here follows the transcript of the session, almost verbatim except for the personal details I’ve changed. In real time the pacing of the dialogue is slow, with many periods of meditative quiet. Try to feel that as you read.
Evangeline: Okay, well, do you want to catch me up with anything? Do you want to start with some centering, grounding? And then we'll see…what do you feel this morning?
Jim: Yeah, I think it's similar to last week. I've just been thinking about that belief about, I'm bad, or like... I guess my program is going to be over very soon.
Evangeline: Wow, yeah. Which is very exciting.
Jim: But today, actually, I need to spend time — I've been really kind of putting this off — I need to reach out to offices and stuff, and work on my resume, so that I can job hunt or whatever. But I'm really intimidated to do it, because I know some of the people that I'm applying to. So I don't know, I just feel like there's this belief of like,’ they're not going to want you because you're bad, or not wanted.’ I don't know. Maybe working with that — because I'd like to be excited about it, and I don't want to hold myself back.
Evangeline: Yeah. Okay, well, let's center first, and then we'll look at whatever variation is the strongest — simply I'm bad, or they won't want me because I'm bad, or just they won't want me. We'll see whichever one is the strongest once we get quiet for a moment. So let's ground — as if you've never grounded before in your whole life.
(Evangeline here - a bit of commentary, which I will do throughout - I’m pointing Jim to the direct, fresh experience of energetically and physically grounding here, not the idea he may have from previous times. This keeps him rooted more firmly in the actual feelings in his body, not in past concepts of the techniques that could try to take over and get in the way.)
Jim: Okay.
Evangeline: Start to feel — just start to feel the simplicity of it. Actually, the part I feel the strongest right now is the tailbone. So let's go right to putting your awareness in the tailbone, sit bones, and feeling that.
Jim: Yeah, tailbone, yeah. Yeah, I feel it.
(Commentary: Usually I can feel what is ready in a person, and I begin with that. This particular morning that happens to be his tailbone. I can feel it in my body as the strongest, plainest point of contact, and usually if I feel something in my body when leading a session it's because the client is feeling it too.
I have no idea how this works, but after 10 years of working with people and having it confirmed over and over, I trust it . And I love to speculate… is it quantum physics? Is it marvelously entangled particles with the perfect spin syncing up in the cosmic velvety black weft and weave of the Godhead? No matter, I believe that science is able, eventually, to describe everything, and that is pure joy to my soul.
So, to the tailbone it is, that's where I send our awareness first. In another session I might start with the breath, or the quiet backdrop of the air in the room, or, as I do with one client in NYC, to the shining fluidity of the Hudson River a hop skip and jump from her window. Today we put our awareness on the tailbone, the sit bones, the specific animal fact of being held by a chair. We stay there, letting the choice to put our attention in one place work it’s medicine.)
Evangeline: And then bring in the feeling of the crisp air — you can open up just slightly and feel, oh, the crisp morning air, just as it is, what the morning feels like. And for right now, before we go into anything, just you, Jim, just you right here unto yourself, sitting in the morning. What do you feel, drawing into your own self here?
Jim: It definitely feels like the crisp air brings in this sense of possibility — kind of like a buzzing energy, which is nice.
Evangeline: Yeah, I like that. Let's feel that for a moment. Kind of trust, or sense into that crisp air. And without having to really know what any possibility is, just feel how it brings that energy of possibility in.
Jim: Yeah, I can totally feel it when you say it now. It's sort of a bright, bright feeling.
Evangeline: Yeah. Let’s breathe here for maybe a minute or so. As often as it's helpful, just feel into that crisp, bright morning air. Opening into that bright morning, and the tailbone, sit bone, kind of rooted down in place. You feel that already?
Jim: Yeah, it's a cool kind of sensation to feel rooted, but then it's like a stretch almost. My window is open right now, so it feels like my awareness is over to the window, and then to my tailbone. So it's kind of a nice stretch.
Evangeline: Yeah, it's like Awareness Yoga!
Jim: That's funny. Yeah, it is. I never thought of that term before, but it totally feels like — yeah, Awareness Yoga!
Evangeline: You can do all kinds of yoga without moving your body. All right, let's feel a little longer, because a couple of things — I'm just going to say them to underline them here, though I think you're already probably feeling them. This rooted, grounded feeling. In Buddhism they have the lotus symbol — the lotus is rooted down in the deep, dark ground of muck, but then it rises up, and because it's so rooted, that beautiful lotus can just open, open, open up and flower.
Jim: Oh, that's so nice.
Evangeline: And that's kind of what you were describing, but without knowing the ancient symbology there.
Jim: Right, right. Yeah, that's so cool. Being rooted down and being able to feel free to have that awareness elsewhere.
Evangeline: Yeah. So let's feel it again — maybe you feel the tailbone again, and then that bright, full-of-possibility, crisp morning air. You can feel it probably more over by the window, but open to it globally, everywhere — beyond the house, other directions too. And kind of infuse it with ‘okay, me, just me, here I am — unto myself, within myself, steady.’
Now from here, I'm actually not even going to invoke the full trauma energy or uncomfortable energy yet — not going to totally bring it in right now. But just sort of, way, way, away off somewhere in the distance, you know about it. From here, from this bright, open, right-now — what does it see? If the bright morning could just look at that thing that comes, that uncomfortable energy that sometimes happens to Jim.
Jim: I guess it would be more like — I would be seeing it as a separate entity from me. Like it's just something I'm experiencing, and it's not actually truth or reality — me. But it feels hard to separate it. It's funny you said that, because in just the last couple of seconds I could feel it creeping in. It was more like — oh yeah, there's all this — and there's these possibilities, but I don't want to look at it. It's like this fear comes in, yeah, it’s pretty strong.
(Commentary: When a client starts to feel strong fear I will usually spend more time centering and grounding into the physicality of the body, their location, etc. In Jim’s case I didn’t at this point because I knew that he was already leaning into this, and we had spent many sessions learning to root the body downwards when fear arose.)
Evangeline: And feel from that perspective of the bright light, where it's loving, it's just like — that's okay. That's just a feeling. But it doesn't have to be you. It's not you. And maybe let that bright crisp fall feeling look at applying to jobs and writing the resume. How would it see that, or feel about that?
Jim: That's a good question. I think it would be like — look at all the possibilities! There's so many possibilities, and it would be reframed — kind of looking at the positive, the possibility of it working out, versus going to the negatives, like, oh, they're not going to like XYZ about you. It would be like, oh, this is what the positive outcome could be.
Evangeline: Yeah. And right now it feels like you can sense that, but you're not really feeling it fully in your being, as part of you. Is that right?
(Commentary: I could sense that Jim was understanding the idea of many possibilities opening up, but not experiencing it directly. Because he wasn’t experiencing the field of open possibilities directly I knew there was a belief, or little one who needed attention before the more open, available, creative space could open up.)
Jim: I think so. Yeah, I think there's kind of this belief that maybe I'm not capable or something, that kind of came in. And I think that's just — it's probably more strong in me today, because I'm addressing it today.
Evangeline: Okay, yeah. So let's go right to that belief. But before we go all the way down inside of it — that feeling, where do you feel it in your body? The I'm bad, where do you feel it?
Jim: In this moment, I feel it in my throat and in my head — very much in my head with it — but then there's like a catch in my throat kind of thing.
Evangeline: So let's just sit here for a moment and feel — almost like we're scientists or reporters. Not uncaring, just bringing some awareness to it. What does that catch feel like? What does it feel like when this thing is in my head? It's almost like you take a little step back. Really feel its shape, its energy.
Jim: Well, I feel like the catch in my throat feels like — I don't know — like a rock and a dam, like it's blocking the flow. It just makes me feel, I guess, an unstable feeling . I’m picturing rocking, like my being is not solid to the ground. And I picture like spirals — like thought bubbles, like spirals, that kind of anxious feeling that comes from it too, and they kind of spiral upward. Or around, out and around my head, I guess.
Evangeline: Okay. Yeah. Now see if you can feel this as a thing happening inside of you. It's here, right? You can describe it really well — you can see imagery of it. It's here. That's true. And — is it you?
Jim: No. And that's a good thing to think about, because I know it's not, but to feel that is like — oh, wow, that's true. That's a good reminder.
Evangeline: Yeah. So feel that. Let's sit in it for a moment. Like Byron Katie would say ‘That's me. Is it true?’
Jim: No.
Evangeline: Sit in that.
Jim: It's not true that that's me. Sure as heck can feel it, though.
Evangeline: Right. Yeah. It's kind of like you got a weird little buddy along for the ride for a while. I don't know why it came through that way — that's just how I heard it right there. It's like a weird little buddy that just wants to sit right in your throat, your head.
Jim: When you said that, I pictured like a little toad. I was kind of feeling it like that — like, oh, hey, okay, you're here, just gonna plant myself down. (laughing)
Evangeline: Yeah. That's helpful.
Jim: I'll just picture saying, okay, little toad, I'm gonna place you over here now, and take you out of my throat.
(Commentary: I am about to gently redirect Jim. His first instinct is to take the little toad out of his throat and put it elsewhere. He says it gently, but the orientation that starts to really open up a Grounded Adult Presence, a position that can thoroughly heal these exiled parts, does not want to get rid of anything. Instead the Grounded Adult Presence will patiently and lovingly sit with the little one, the little toad in this case, and build trust. Trust isn’t built by trying to get rid of something. After trust is built with the little one they will start to tell you and show you what they need to feel loved and safe.
Before I redirect Jim to this Grounded Adult Presence I help him to further somatically and energetically disidentify from the little one. This is not dissociation, I am helping him pull his awareness out of identification with the little toad and into the true orientation; he is the adult presence that can see, describe, and eventually be with the little toad. )
Evangeline: Yeah. That's good energy. And really notice how — if you can see that little weird toad buddy — really notice, ‘oh yeah, it's not me. He's here, she's here — I can feel the shape, the energy.’ Right? I'll ask again, because the question can be nice — That is you? Is that true?
Jim: No.
Evangeline: And maybe feel the crisp morning, even with your little toad buddy here — feel the crisp air. Little toad buddy gets to be here, even with the rooting down through the tailbone and the crisp morning. As soon as you think about applying to a job — oh, here he comes, hop, hop, hop.
Take a breath. I know you can feel it in your throat, that area — but see if you can breathe down into the lower belly at the same time, where he's not, or she's not. My sense is a male — do you feel male energy?
Jim: Yeah.
Evangeline: Now, right now feeling this — does it seem like your little toad buddy is a good one to put in charge of writing a resume and calling people?
Jim: No. No, not at all. It's just all fear-based, and not based in truth. So — it's interesting, when I pictured taking this little guy away, then it's like uncovering Me. And maybe sitting with Me, it's like building that confidence. I don't know — sitting with that ME.
Evangeline: Yes — and let's phrase it - I want to put it in the framework of: when you take away the toad buddy, that's you without the thought.
(Commentary: I’ve done a few Healing Packages with Jim at this point, and he is well versed in the 4 questions and turnarounds of The Work of Byron Katie. I’m referencing question 4 of the work, "Who would you be without the thought ‘That’s me.” I chose to bring in the reframe right now so that Jim connects the experience he’s having with question 4. This association makes it more likely that at another time the question will operate smoothly.
Question 4 of The Work can be very disorienting the first few times a client sits with it, but with practice the question ‘who would you be without the thought XYZ? is a powerful healing tool.)
Jim: Right, right.
Evangeline: So let's feel it for a moment. And maybe toad buddy gets to — I don't know, he wants a little pond or something? What is it? Where does he want to go? If he could go somewhere? Maybe ask him — I have a feeling he'll answer. Let him know he doesn’t have to write the resume and apply to these jobs. Where would he like to go instead? What does he want to do instead?
Jim: He can go — there's a pond at the school, actually, with frogs that live in it, so he can go and hang out there.
Evangeline: Does he want to? See if he likes that idea.
(Commentary: I could tell that Jim was deciding where the little toad could go rather than listening to where the little toad himself wanted to go. In this kind of work the little ones have the answers. We have to listen to them and believe what they say. This traces right back to childhood where the child was not listened to by the caregiver. So now we reparent that part of ourselves by really paying attention to what the little one inside wants and needs, not what we think it needs.)
Jim: No, I think maybe he can just hang out in my apartment with Peaches (Peaches is Jim’s cat) . I think he'll feel like that's a safe spot. And maybe he wants a little — I don't know, a little antique sink or something to sit in. I was visualizing different things, but I saw this little antique porcelain sink. And I can visit him — I'll visit him throughout the day. He'll be totally happy, content.
Evangeline: Does he want anything in his little spot?
Jim: Yeah. Let's see — he wants some little comfort, some little features. Like some leaves would be nice — I don't know — he can have some outside brought into him, so he can also have that crisp air. But yeah, access to some water, and a cozy little bedding area from outside materials.
Evangeline: Moss or mud or something.
Jim: Yeah.
Evangeline: Okay. So let's feel — so you, Jim, the being that you are — let's feel the tailbone for a moment. Just so you notice your tailbone and open into the bright morning. Now feel your little toad buddy — see him. And here’s Peaches. And he's got a little place now. Maybe tell him ‘you don't have to apply to anything. You can just be here. You don't have to apply to anything. It's not your job.’
(Long pause while Jim sits with this.)
What is he doing — anything you notice?
Jim: I notice him — like some relief there. He's just getting cozy, and I'm like, yeah, I can come and check on you, but you can just relax here, you don't have to worry about anything. And that feels — there's a sense of relief with that.
Evangeline: Yeah. And where do you feel that relief in your body? (I just felt a big wave of relief in my stomach area so I figure that Jim probably did as well).
Jim: Before I was like, ‘oh, well then, who's going to replace him?’ And I'm feeling this more grounded energy, like that Adult Presence, as you call it, kind of coming in — that's who's speaking to him. So that feels like a relief, like I’m embodying that feeling versus the insecure, scared little toad energy.
Evangeline: Let's not think about the job or the resumes or anything right now. Just feel that Grounded Adult Presence. And it's really fine if you still feel anything in your throat, it's fine.
There's also this bigger Grounded Adult Presence that can be like, oh, here's a little spot for you. And sometimes it just takes a while — it might not be time to do any resumes right now. Right now it's just feeling that Grounded Adult Presence, and letting it establish itself here and it can say ‘ oh, you're a little toad buddy, you can be here.’
(Commentary: I am purposefully slowing us down here so that Jim can have time to let the embodied understanding of the Grounded Adult Presence establish in his body. We don’t want to rush here because new neural pathways are forming and being fired. I want him to fire along the Grounded Adult Presence pathways for a while so they get stronger and more easily accessible when we are not in session.)
Jim: I also think about — because that catch in my throat, it's like blocking energy, or blocking this flow, I guess. And so with the relief of putting the toad in his spot, there's also this — I think more excitement is allowed to come in — because it's like, think of all the possibilities your life could be, like, you know, the stagnancy — it's just this relief of, okay, now all this exciting energy is more vibrant. Focusing on that feels really good and exciting.
Evangeline: Let's feel that. That feels like — I remember from a long time ago, I think you described that, that full-of-endless-possibility feeling, it's a not-knowing — you don't actually know what's going to happen. So you're opening up into the beautiful, actual energy of not knowing, which is like this simmering, infinite possibility.
Jim: Ooh, yeah, that's such an exciting feeling.
Evangeline: Yeah. So that's helpful, because which would you rather feel? Toad energy or full-of-endless-possibility energy? Pretty good question.. Okay, let's feel it — let's feel that simmering, limitless —
Jim: Ooh, vast. I'm feeling, like really feeling it horizon to horizon. Fall morning.
Evangeline: And it doesn't have to coalesce on anything yet. It's just like — oh.
(Commentary: I’m encouraging Jim to spend time in the pure ‘horizon to horizon’ energy. Often when clients get to this point they want to immediately put the new perspective to work and figure out what to do, in this case how to write a resume and apply to jobs. It is much more fruitful to first spend time simply getting used to the vast good place of limitless potential. The longer someone stays there the more creative and fun the eventual task, and the easier it is to remember the energetic signature of the limitless, and be able to return there when the going gets tough.)
Evangeline: And I am definitely seeing the toad — it's not a realistic picture of him inside your house to me right now. It's like your house literally has this beautiful pondy waterfall, like a gorgeous little kid fairyland, you know? It doesn't really look completely realistic — probably you couldn't actually install this in your real house. But that's what I see — it's a little bit mystical, where he gets to be.
Jim: Yeah. I love that. In a mystical land. Yeah. And there's so many gorges around here too — I could just picture a gorgeous little gorge castle for him.
Evangeline: Yeah. You got a gorgeous little castle nook in your psychic home space. And Peaches, Peaches can totally wander, come over and be there, and then go back to your couch, meander.
(Commentary: I purposefully reference Jim’s cat Peaches at intervals because from previous sessions I know how calming his cat is for him. This is really common with clients and their pets.)
Jim: Yeah, they're just chilling. It's awesome.
Evangeline: Okay. I want to guide one thing, but first — just, what are you noticing? Anything coming up here?
Jim: Just, definitely…when I shift into this kind of zinging excitement energy, it makes me feel more, there's more confidence that comes in. That feels good, like a better place to operate out of.
(Commentary: I’m about to purposefully invite Jim to collapse back down into the identified position, the position he was in when we began the call. I’m inviting him to do this now because he is so established in the Adult Presence and ‘zinging energy’ that I know he will not get stuck there, but he will fully feel the pain and suffering associated with being collapsed back down in the perspective of the wounded part, the toad.
This technique, when applied at the right time in a session can viscerally bring home how terrible it feels to be caught in the wounded position, and thus inspire them to stay out of it. For example, I never have to do deep healing work with someone because they keep putting their hand on the hot stovetop and leaving it there to burn. It is so uncomfortable they pull it away immediately. I’m showing the client that being in the wounded energy is akin to keeping their hand on the hot stove .)
Evangeline: Yes! Okay so we will go back into this zinging wonderfulness, but right now I want you to feel the toad move back into your throat. We'll just do it for like thirty seconds, just to see what happens. Is that ok to do right now?
Jim: Yes. It becomes less visual, and it's just like… I feel less… my breathing kind of shallowed. And then I picture dark clouds just coming over. Things halted, basically.
Evangeline: Yeah.
Jim: And my sense is like, okay, that whole morning might be out there, but I feel like there's no access to it.
Evangeline: Yeah. It's kind of like shutting yourself out from all of that. Like it's closing in.
Jim: Yeah. Which — it's a protection, a protective thing, but yeah.
Evangeline: Yeah. And eventually anything protective like that becomes poisonous. Does it feel good?
Jim: No, no. It doesn't feel good to me.
Evangeline: Now I want you to try to guide yourself out of this closed in clouded place. I know how to guide you out of this, but I'm curious — say this happens to you out in your daily life, how do you move yourself out of this? And if you can't, that's okay, we're just going to see if you can do it.
(Commentary: The above prompt came to me spontaneously at this point in the session. I had never used it or heard it before, but I trusted it when it occurred to me.)
Jim: I guess I would take a deep breath, and just imagine the little spot, the little castle that's created. I picture — you can go sit over there. I'm going to kind of invite that grounded version of me that came in earlier, and be like, I'm going to take over.
Evangeline: So let's feel it. Let's see if — we can do it silently, or you can say it out loud, and as you say it, feel it. I'm taking the training wheels off for a moment, just to see if, without me saying it, you can do this. It's okay if little glitches come up — that's kind of the purpose, to see if there's anything I can help with.
(A bit of time passes)
Evangeline: What do you notice with this internal process you're doing?
Jim: Yeah, I think it feels good, I think, because — he was happy in that space before — I didn't feel as much resistance. He says ‘oh yay, bring me back to that spot!’
Evangeline: Okay, wonderful.
Jim: Yeah, I think if I were to do that — not just having done the exercise — there would definitely have been more resistance. I can imagine this being challenging — in those moments, being like, asking, imagining moving that part of me to its safe space, and then the fear — who? What's left? That kind of question — would feel kind of jarring, hard in the moment.
Evangeline: It could be frightening, in a moment when you're doing it on your own. I'll just throw this in… it's often good to first feel the sensation, energy, emotion of it. Like, oh, okay, I'm feeling something.
Okay, what is it? Oh, okay, stone in the throat. feel it there, kind of in the head. And then okay,’ that's me. Is it true?’ No. That can start to separate your Adult Self out from the little one. — I picture it like you're on a cliffside, when it's all fused in you. And then a little ledge opens up on the edge of the cliff . Oh, I got a toehold. A little separation. Okay, I can feel it — so maybe it's not me, because I'm who's feeling it, you know, and then, is it me? Is that true? It just gives that little more of a toehold.
Basically what we're doing is pulling your awareness, your You-ness, out of within the toad — so the toad isn't taking up the entire space.
Jim: Right. Yeah. And I feel like that question always invites in that zinging energy of possibilities, because it's like — if that's not me, then there's all these other possibilities of how this could go, and who you are — all those different possibilities. I don't know, I just feel like that helps shift the energy.
Evangeline: Yes.
Okay. Let's just take a moment or two of being here together, and just see — let's do a little integration, some breathing, just to see if there's anything else — almost like a little rest. We've just done a lot. So breathing, taking a breather.
Jim: Yeah, okay.
Evangeline: I hear that question again. Okay, so Jim, who are you, without the thought that's you, when your little toad buddy is fully over in his little mystical gorge realm? Who are you, just right now, sitting here, without the thought that's you?
Jim: I think the thought that comes in right away after that is — this fear — like, okay, they (the people in charge of hiring) might not see it. But that's not — there's nothing I can do about that, how another person perceives me. So, I guess, just focusing on feeling it in myself — focusing on that question is good, because that's what I can control.
Evangeline: It's kind of a general trend, or a general truth, that the more you inhabit that, and it can be really hard to really inhabit this bigger Jim-being, but the more you do, over time, people start sensing that in you, or it triggers something in them. Over time, people start — the world starts kind of feeling that.
Jim: Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. And totally — I feel like, in the past, I've felt that shift — it's like, if you embody those feelings and traits, or whatever — like, I think the most powerful one for me is always this excitement, this energy, like moving around — and that's what flows in when thinking about, oh wow, where could all of this job application lead me? So if I can really live in that space a little bit when I'm doing the applications and talking to people, I'm sure that would work to my benefit, or at least that excitement could come across.
Evangeline: And so — yeah, feel that for a moment, just to feel it energetically — and we won't do it for long, because it probably won't be fun — but imagine you're just kicking him out of your house.
(Commentary: My intuition at this point says that if I ask Jim to imagine kicking the little toad out of the house, or, in other words exiling the wounded part, Jim will immediately feel how terrible it feels to exile parts of himself when he is fully sitting in his Grounded Adult Presence.)
Jim: No!
Evangeline: It's so sad, right?
Jim: Yeah. I almost feel like crying when I imagine it.
Evangeline: Yeah. Poor little buddy.
Jim: I'm so sad. Doesn't he — he's like, he's like two years old. He's not going to make it out there.
Evangeline: No. Oh my God. Yeah, that's hard.
Jim: I know. I feel like — oh my God, I actually feel really sad, like crying. Oh my God, no.
Evangeline: Okay, so — but just notice that. Often when that real strong protector is in us, it's like, oh my God, I just got to get rid of it — but the protector can't feel what actually happens to that poor little toad buddy when it gets exiled. Okay, bring him back in, let him back in.
Jim: And it's nice — this is really random, but I just had a picture of a friend who is very, I'd describe him as very self-assured, and quick with decision-making. That pace that he moves with, and it works really well for him, talking about job stuff and stuff. So I just picture that energy, and am like, I'm going to pretend to have that confidence. I’m going to take that, because it's palpable in him, so I can at least see what it's like, and try to go through my day like that. I don't know — that seems like it could be helpful.
Evangeline: Totally helpful. Yeah. I mean, it's — and it's not random, you know. It can feel random, but it's not — that was your being saying ‘oh, him. Yeah, be like that.’
Jim: Right. Yeah, because it's like — there's this other part of me that's coming in, that's like, just stop worrying about those things, because it's almost like — I just want to have fun. It's like, of course you can do the application — it's like taking the actual task, making it a little less daunting, because the reward of doing it could be good. So — like, I don't need to just — it feels like this application, whatever, it's like this big hill that I have to climb up, but it doesn't have to be a big roadblock. I could just get through it and then move on to the next thing — take it step by step, basically.
Evangeline: And the little toad can just hang out. And, you know, it's great to have a little toad, because down the road, the more of these little internal family systems parts — they call them exiles, but they could be wounded inner little ones, inner children — the more you know them, and have good little places for them, it just means that when you work with people, if that is something you do in your career someday, that which you've worked with and healed is what you give to others.
Jim: Right. Yeah.
Evangeline: So we have like four or five minutes. Let's be quiet for a moment, and then we'll see what you're taking away. What do you notice?
Jim: I definitely — it's just nice to have the castle in my mind for this toad. I love that it's become a castle now.
Evangeline: Yeah, he gets the castle.
Jim: Yeah. So having the castle — and then also, from one of the earlier sessions, I pictured a heart around my house, and the bedrock — so those are just helpful to have, places to go to in my mind throughout the week. Those feel like fast ways to get myself into a space where I can be grounded.
Evangeline: Yeah, they're nice tools.
Jim: Yeah. Thank you, that's helpful — I think I can carry that with me through the week. Even just that imagery will be nice. And today if I feel like the toad is creeping back in, I'll say, how about you go back to your castle? He wants to be there, not in the dark, crowded corners of my throat! It’s way more fun over there. Or maybe it's like a pond you can swim around in, where the sunlight is just ribboning down through the water, and there's lily pads. And Peaches can come by.
Evangeline: My gosh, that sounds so nice.
Jim: Right? I totally just saw it — it was a beautiful visual. And maybe I'll also spend time thinking about the positives — what it could be if I did these applications — and spend time in that buzzing energy, because it just feels so good. So why not spend time in that?
Evangeline Okay. Well, we'll talk next week, and enjoy that simmering, zingy energy out there today.
Jim: Yes. Thank you so much. Have a good rest of your day. Bye.
Evangeline: Bye.
